An Ambitiously Fertile Idea: On Infertile Ground

Posted on April 12, 2012 by admin

I found myself struggling to write this blog post. My first indication being my day-long procrastination and letting myself be easily distracted by other tasks. Don’t get me wrong, I love this topic – creating families – and I could talk and write about it endlessly! But today I struggled to find the right entry point into what I wanted to express.

That is, until I saw a post on our Facebook wall by On Infertile Ground – The Documentary, produced by Misconceived Films, Limited.

On Infertile Ground hopes to become a crowdsourced/funded documentary on the journey which so many people and couples silently face alone; infertility. It’s an impressive undertaking; the topic is not all that popular in the film genre and its fruition is largely dependent upon the financial contributions of others. And as stated on their website and funding page, some of the documentary team staff are personally experiencing infertility.

The project has a funding page which outlines the levels of contributions being accepted and shows the time remaining until the end of the fundraising campaign. Sadly, the countdown clock shows 30 days left, and funding is less than 50% of the goal. However, its noted that the corporate seed funding was supplied up front, and their current campaign is set up to help fill some gaps between the corporate and public funding they expect to receive.

Original painting by Robert Ives. Depending on contribution levels, certain donations will receive an original painting by Mr. Ives. To see more of his work, visit www.oninfertileground.com

Back to why this attracted my distracted mind. There were so many people that my partner and I met and got assistance from during our quest, our journey, for a family. Not that the twins were crowd-sourced, but in a way, perhaps they were. Our experiences, our
disappointments, led us to decisions and choices and people. And through this process, we eventually came to our surrogate and ended up joyously in love with our twins. So I suppose, yes, in a way, the twins were crowd-sourced. I can’t help but see parallels between the movie and our personal experience.

The topic of infertility is most certainly painful to someone who is diagnosed as such, and oftentimes they are sadly cloaked in shame. I see a need to talk openly about infertility insomuch that its non-discriminatory in its affectations. Its through open discussions, meeting new people experiencing the same, hearing about new options, choices and the paths those choices lead to, that we will continue to push and lean on science and medicine alike to find ways to bring infertility solutions into the forefront and make family a reality for many.

For that reason, I hope the movie On Infertile Ground reaches its goal; that the documentary team is successful in all its funding and filming. If it comes to Georgia, you can bet that I’ll be standing in line for a ticket. Check out their website to see who the sponsors are that believe in this effort – and you can find out the ways in which you can help too, if not through a donation or an encouraging word on their Facebook wall, but perhaps you could simply spread the word of this ambitious project. Like they said on their website, “Odds are you know someone who is facing infertility… and odds are they haven’t told you”.

Top 5 Things You Should Know About Egg Quality

Posted on April 5, 2012 by admin

While you are undergoing and IVF cycle you will no doubt have a lot on your mind. Most people don’t think about egg quality, it’s not necessarily on the top of their list. One of the single most important aspects to a successful IVF cycle is however, the quality of the eggs. The better quality the eggs, the better quality your embryo will be. In order to help give you some insight and knowledge on egg quality here are 5 things to help your journey to parenthood a little bit easier.

1) From birth women are already born with all of the eggs that they will ever make. Apart from sperm, there is no constant replenishment. Once a woman hits menopause, the ovaries have a more difficult time producing eggs and ovulation eventually stop completely. This doesn’t usually occur in women until they are between the ages of 30-50. As women get nearer to menopause, the ovaries have a more difficult time producing eggs, which is one of the reasons why the number of eggs retrieved in an IVF cycle varies from patient to patient. Remember that when you come for egg retrieval you can’t compare the number of eggs you have retrieved with the number someone else has retrieved. Quality is better than quantity! Keep in mind at your retrieval that the number of eggs you retrieve is not always predictive of cycle success and even those with small egg numbers can achieve a pregnancy.

2) Egg quality is of course affected by age but there are many other factors as well. There are ways to help improve the health of your ovaries and the egg quality. Our diet, environmental influences, hormonal issues, and stress are the most important factors to good egg quality. Contact your physician to discuss ways in which to maximize your egg quality and what you can do to use influence on egg quality to your advantage

3) Certain conditions can also affect your egg quality. Some of these are history of ovarian surgery, smoking, chemotherapy/radiation, and endometriosis. If you happen to have one or more of these conditions, it is extremely important that you discuss with your physician ways that may help positively influence your egg quality

4) Even if your physician tells you that you have decreased or poor egg quality, this does not mean you can’t or won’t get pregnant. This may mean however, that it will be more difficult for you, depending on the situation. If poor egg quality is a factor in your infertility and attempts to improve egg quality do not work, knowing this may help to make the decision to use donor eggs a bit easier.

5) Being realistic right from the get-go about your fertility is the best approach you can take. It’s possible that despite doing everything possible to improve egg quality, you still may not get pregnant. Make sure you find a good, caring physician, reduce stress as much as possible, and maintain a healthy lifestyle and weight. These are things you can do to improve your fertility but remember, be understanding of the hand you’ve been dealt. There are no guarantees. If you have been told you have poor egg quality and have tried all efforts to improve egg quality, moving forward and thinking about a donor egg can be the best chance for success.

Lesbians and Donor Insemination

Posted on March 27, 2012 by admin

Traditionally, lesbian partners may become parents through donor insemination. Though donor insemination is a somewhat simple solution, a lot will depend on the quality of the sperm. Donor insemination is an option for lesbian women or partners who cannot have a child naturally and still wish to have a biological connection to their child. Some couples may choose to use an anonymous sperm donor through a sperm bank or fertility center, or a known donor that may be a friend or relative.

Lesbian insemination that uses donor sperm from a sperm bank can essentially provide the highest success rates with the shortest interval to conception. A combination of ovulation induction with oral medications, like Clomid, and two precisely timed donor inseminations, assures perfect timing and the highest success rates for pregancy. On the average it takes 2-3 insemination cycles to achieve a pregnancy. The type of insemination that the couple decides to use will be based on a number of factors, including personal preference, cost, and fertility potential.

Types of insemination include:

Intravaginal insemination (IVI). Unwashed sperm is placed into the vagina around the time of ovulation using a syringe or cervical cap. IVI can be done in a physician’s office or at home.

Intracervical insemination (ICI). Washed or unwashed sperm are placed in the cervix using a thin catheter and a syringe which pushes the sperm through the catheter. ICI is done in a physician’s office.

Intrauterine insemination (IUI). Washed sperm are placed in the uterus with a thin catheter that is passed through the cervix. IUI is performed in a physician’s office.

The medical physician will suggest that whoever is going to conceive should have a medical screening prior to trying. The doctor will suggest that whoever is to consider carrying the child, have a healthcare testing before trying. This allows identifying the health of both the mom and the child during the length of the pregnancy.

An appointment with a lawyer focusing on method issues is a must, usually one who has encounter and understanding utilizing same sex mother or father, is suggested. They can help with any necessary certification regarding lawful position as parents, or to identify the part of a known sperm contributor.

For more information about the procedure of contributor insemination speaking with your doctor is a key starting point, also read our book Getting to Baby. Our publication represents our trials, tribulations and triumphs that we went through on our journey to getting to our babies.

“Lesbians and Donor Insemination – Fertility & Infertility”

Top 5 Infertility Myths & Facts

Posted on March 6, 2012 by admin

1. MYTH: Infertility is a woman’s problem.

FACT: Approximately 40 percent of infertility is due to female factors, 40 percent is due to male factors. The remaining 20% of cases are either a result of both partners or for unknown reasons.Consequently, both men and women should be evaluated.

Male infertility factors include:

Azoospermia (no sperm cells are produced) and oligospermia (few sperm cells are produced).
Malformed sperm cells
A genetic disease such as cystic fibrosis or a chromosomal abnormality.

Female infertility factors include ;

Ovulation disorders
Blocked fallopian tubes, which can occur when a woman has had pelvic inflammatory disease or endometriosis
Congenital anomalies involving the structure of the uterus and uterine fibroids

2. MYTH: Most people get pregnant very easily

FACT: Infertility affects 7.3 million people of childbearing age in the United States — about 10-15 percent of the reproductive-age population, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

3. MYTH: It’s all psychological; People just need to relax and they’ll get pregnant.

FACT: Infertility is a medical condition of the reproductive system. Stress can result from struggles with infertility, not cause it.

4. MYTH: After people adopt a baby they usually get pregnant

FACT: Studies reveal that the rate for achieving pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt.

5. MYTH: Adoption is the only ethical solution to infertility: it’s a lot cheaper and easier than medical treatment, and there are so many babies who need homes.

FACT: “The biological urge to have children is quite strong,” says Dr. Samuel Pang, Medical Director at the Reproductive Science Center (RSC) of New England, “The truth is that most patients we treat for infertility exhaust their options for medical treatment prior to considering adoption.” Contemporary adoption options have changed, and adoption can be more costly and time-consuming than expected. It is, however, still possible to adopt a healthy baby.

For more information on fertility and your journey to getting to your baby, our book Getting to Baby is a great resource of information and positivity to help you through this process.

Surrogacy Through In Vitro Fertilization (IVF)

Posted on February 16, 2012 by admin

So you and your partner have made the decision to start a family – that’s wonderful! Congratulations! But for same-sex couples, the choices for creating a family are slightly different. Yes, adoption and fostering are two possibilities for bringing children into a home and family life, but another option that deserves consideration is surrogacy via in vitro fertilization (IVF).

Why in vitro? Some couples may have preferences for a newborn, and oftentimes foster children are older than the newborn stage. Another reason could be the wish to carry-on certain genetic traits – the biological result – of in vitro. And in one of the two methods of surrogacy, IVF is the process used to reach fertilization.

In vitro fertilization works by joining an egg and sperm outside of the female’s body, usually a Petri dish in a controlled laboratory environment. The meaning of ‘in vitro’ is ‘outside’. Once the two are joined, or fertilized, its then placed into the uterus for the duration of the pregnancy term.

Back to the topic of surrogacy; there are actually two types of surrogate options. A Gestational Surrogate is a host for the embryo and has no relation to it. Usually a donor egg is combined with the intended father’s sperm using the IVF method. Once fertilization is complete, the embryo is transferred to the surrogate host, who then carries the baby to term.

Probably the most common idea of surrogacy is the one known as Traditional Surrogate. In this instance, the surrogate is offering both egg and gestation surrogacy – hosting of the embryo until the baby reaches full term. The actual fertilization of this type of surrogacy is different from IVF; it’s called intrauterine insemination. This involves a Doctor transferring sperm from either the intended father or donor, and inserting into the surrogate so that natural fertilization can occur.

The total expense of surrogacy varies depending on a number of factors, not the least of which includes the selection of your fertility clinic, any surrogacy clinics, the types of insurance options you choose to protect yourself with on top of a whole host of other fees and expenses. According to Surrogatemothers.com and Growing Generations (a LGBT-focused fertility clinic), prices can wildly range between $15,000 to upwards of $150,000! Of course, rates could change if there is one baby or two (twins), there’s legal necessities to be taken care of on top of medical bills, possibly counseling and whatever else is contracted between the couple and surrogate.

No matter what your process to starting your family, it’s incredibly personal and unique. We’ve happily shared our journey in Getting to Baby, which brought us twins via surrogacy. You can download a free chapter here.

The Kids Are All Right: Lesbians Raise Children Just As Well As Heterosexual Parents

Posted on February 14, 2012 by admin

Same-sex couples usually garner quite a bit of criticism once babies enter the picture. Gays and lesbians with families have a tendency to find themselves at the other end of questions regarding their parenting capabilities just because both of them are of the same sex — and there is always the asinine platform that children need both a mother and father for proper development. But according to a recent study peering into the well-being of adolescents with lesbian parents, these kids tend to be just as well-adjusted as their peers raised by heterosexual parents.

A new study out of the University of Amsterdam examined 17-year-olds who were raised by lesbian mommies and determined the following:

In conclusion, the reported [Quality of Life] for adolescent offspring in planned lesbian families is similar to that reported by the matched adolescents in heterosexual-parent families. This finding supports earlier evidence that adolescents reared by lesbian mothers from birth do not manifest more adjustment difficulties (e.g., depression, anxiety, and disruptive behaviors) than those reared by heterosexual parents.

Researchers did however find some behavioral differences in kids with straight versus same-sex parents in cases of divorce. Lesbian parents were much more likely to amicably share custody after splitting, which ultimately benefited the child more.

Think Progress writes that the most glaring difference for children of lesbian families was not how they were raised or their happiness in comparison to kids from straight parents, but the scrutiny they faced daily from extended family, classmates, teachers, and other grownups because they had gay parents. That criticism and anti-gay stigma alone affected nearly half of the adolescents in the study, with most of the teasing and bullying coming from peers and classmates.

The researchers explained that these findings evidence the need for schools to “educate students in appreciation for diversity and to enforce a zero-tolerance policy on bullying and stigmatization.” Efforts like these would greatly impact the lives of children from same-sex families where, aside from the heterosexist snickering from peers and the occasional family member, the kids are all right.

Gay Surrogacy and Surrogates

Posted on February 9, 2012 by admin

The desire for fatherhood does not have to be necessarily connected to or dependent on a relationship with a woman. A large number of men opting for surrogacy are gay, though there are straight men, too, who wish to be fathers and not have a woman partner. Women chose to be single parents almost two decades ago and it now looks like men want similar status for themselves.

Gay men have the same desires to be parents that straight men do. They are capable of providing all the love required to raise children. It is such a wonderful thing that surrogacy provides an option for gay men to become parents. Australia, America, UK and other Western countries are currently seeing an increase in gay men choosing Surrogacy when creating their families. In particular, India is the new growth region for gay singles and couples wanting to become dads via surrogacy. A growing number of male couples from Australia, America, UK and other Western countries are hiring surrogates in India to bear children.

India is one of the top destinations for gay and straight couples seeking a surrogate child as it is far more cost-effective than other countries. India’s emergence as a surrogacy hotspot is no surprise. The lower cost has opened up the surrogacy option to a much larger number of gay men, as a cost effective country to pursue the dream of creating a family.

In the UK, single people cannot gain full legal rights over their children born by surrogate mother – a problem which affects gay single men in particular. India really is the closest country to Australia, America, UK that offers affordable surrogacy. Using a surrogate mother in India costs around a fifth of the price of an American or European surrogate, making the country an attractive option for those interested in the process.

While in many parts of the world surrogacy and gay surrogacy in particular is banned. But as of now India has no plan to ban gay couples from using surrogate mothers. Sections of press has been saying that Indian IVF bill may stop gay couple surrogacy, however it’s not very certain and clear as of today.

Egg Donor Gay Surrogacy and surrogates program in India offers the best options for intended parents. One surrogacy clinic that supports gay surrogacy or LGBT friendly surrogacy is a clinic in India, Rotunda-The Center for Human Reproduction. They are proud of their successful history of helping intended parents become parents through egg donor gay surrogacy program in India. http://www.surrogacymumbai.com

Today more and more foreign couples and singles are influenced to consider surrogacy in India as better option to completing ones dream for a family. Surrogacy has risen to immense popularity as many couples choose this as an alternative means of reproduction or Family Creations dreams come true. Now more and more foreign couples actually prefer going abroad for surrogacy.

If you are interested in learning more about surrogacy and some of the questions to ask before jumping in, read our book “Getting to Baby” for the ins and outs of our experience.

Making Babies for Gay Men & Lesbians

Posted on January 26, 2012 by admin

Same sex couples who are infertile often reach to assisted reproductive methods in order to have a family. They are not the only ones who reach out to these methods; lesbians, gay men and even single straight individuals look for methods, since they too may experience a difficulty with conceiving.

LGBT couples are also faced with additional odds against them; what society says about them, what their families think, their circle of friends, the list goes on and on. They have to overcome many more obstacles than those couples of the same sex. These challenges are most likely harder for them to overcome and deal with than the actual biological question of baby making. In fact if you are a gay man or a lesbian who has no problem with fertility you probably have many more choices available to you than your same sex infertile couple.

We recently came across an article from BabyCenter.com. The article contains a great list of various ART (Assistive Reproductive Techniques)

It was about 20 years ago when a man’s sperm and the woman’s egg were fertilized in a laboratory in a glass dish. This is now a well know procedure called in vitro fertilization or IVF. The first test tube baby was born on July 25th, 1978. Louise Joy Brown On July 25, 1978. Louise is now 33 years old according to an article written by Deborah Hastings (http://www.aolnews.com/2010/10/04/where-is-louise-brown-worlds-first-test-tube-baby/ ). She is the first person to be conceived outside of the human body.

Going forward 30+ years there are many more technologies to assist with reproduction. ART not only refers to IVF but several other alternatives that are based on the patients unique condition. It is good to know that for every three cycles one does with ART that there is the likelihood that one will result in the birth of a child. In fact almost one out of every three cycles of ART results in the birth of a baby.

For more information on ART techniques check out this article Fertility treatment: Assisted reproductive technologies (ART)

The Truth About Trying

Posted on November 22, 2011 by admin

I ran across an a new campaign to bring infertility out of the closet and into the light. It’s called the “The Truth About Trying”. Resolve, the National Infertility Association and Redbook magazine have teamed up to end the shame and secrecy of infertility.

I love it. So far, almost 200 videos where women (and men) share their personal stories have been added to the site. Celebrities, physicians, and just plain folk like you and me answer the question : “What I wish I’d known about infertility.”

Some have found success, others are still trying to conceive (TTC), others will remain childfree. No matter what the outcome, the process is painful – and too often we suffer in shame and silence. Why is that? Why do too many of us keep this agony a secret from family, friends, and collegues? And why do well meaning people give advice that blames the victim with simple ideas like “ just relax” “you’re too stressed.” Infertility is not a choice. It is a complex disease of the reproductive systems of men and women. You can’t see it on the outside and you don’t know you have it until you try to conceive. It’s emotionally, physically, and financially draining. And you can’t just take a pill, get a massage, or stop thinking about it to make it go away.

I’m seeing more about this movement in the media to destigmatize infertility and it’s an encouraging sign. With more than 5 million Americans battling infertility on any given day, we are a small army . This is why we wrote Getting2Baby and why we’re creating a community here to provide an open, welcoming forum for men and women – especially those in the GLBT community – to find support and resources.

Let’s get our army on the march, let’s get infertility out of the closet. And if you make and upload your own video – be sure to let us know here – we’ll share the link.

Surrogacy Journeys

Posted on November 15, 2011 by admin

Our babies, Christopher and Katherine, were born in the spring of 2010. Our book, Getting to Baby, also came into being in the spring of 2011. In it we chronicle our optimistic expectation of easily achieving pregnancy, the disappointments of the world of infertility, the trudge through failed IVF, miscarriage, failed adoption, and then finally our joyful SUCCESS through surrogacy.

Ours is just one story with a happy ending. Every year, hundreds of others forge their own successful paths through surrogacy. Many have stories just like ours — gay or lesbian couples who find a path to parenthood through the generosity, trust, and love of surrogates and donors.

When you are riding the roller coaster of infertility, adoption, surrogacy, and pregnancy, the support not only of friends and family but of others going through the actual experience is so important. The blogosphere gave us essential information, encouragement, and support — and is one reason we created GettingToBaby. We want to create a central, collaborative place for the kind of support, referrals, and education we had to really work to find, and really depended upon to make our dream of becoming parents a reality.

I thought I’d share a few great blogs of babies in progress—and babies brought home:

Babies in progress:
Special Delivery follows the journey of Kelli, a gestational surrogate carrying twins for Ian and Troy. Ian’s sister Leandra donated the eggs, which were fertilized with Troy’s sperm. Kelli is halfway through the pregnancy, and their story is being made into a movie called “More than a Village” by documentary filmmaker Edward McDonald. Follow the film by following Edward on twitter: @edwardmcdonald

Bernadette and Duane share their roller-coaster ride of surrogacy in India at Rasta Less Traveled. We look forward to following their tale to a happy ending.

Babies at home:
George and Farid are the proud parents of Gustavo and Milena, born on November 6, 2011, to gestational surrogate Jeni. Their beautiful story is chronicled on Jeni’s blog Love Makes a Family.

Jeni, Kelli, and Bernadette also list other blogs they follow — so check them out.

Brings a smile to my face. How about you?